Wednesday, 17 August 2011

Constancon is for retards, right?

I want to applaud Zak for revealing in the clearest possible fashion just how desperate the average D&D gamer is to play the monster game even as some lowest common denominator freakshow. These people are so stupid that they would be transfixed for hours by a screensaver that cycled through the words Troll, Elf, Fungus, Castle, Wand and so on, like an infant gazing at a sleep inducing toy.

Constancon is the worst consequence yet I have seen of standardised play that resulted from the love affair of the unimaginative with TSR modules. I would prefer never to play again than play nuthouse cliched D&D with a bunch of strangers on the web but for these people there is something precious about the fact that they all play D&D the same way, the way a twelve year old would play.

Zak reminds me of the guy in the class whom the teacher let doodle with crayons all day, tongue dangling down, he is the definition of the psychotic in a rorshach test obsessed with endless, pointless tiny details. He favours the hollow empty meaningless campaign with a thousand random tables stuffed with trivial detail which when combined produce something like poetry in the mind of an idiot but remain in fact just a meaningless selection of trivial details, the same trivial details you began with.

A constant refrain on his blog is 'roll on this table and you don't have to waste time thinking.' Not even before a game. I don't see any evidence of a campaign on his blog (or in Vornheim which is just an extension of the blog) because that would require sustained thought and consistent thought which would leave less time for a chronic fidgeter to produce artworks and for talking utter shite.

Anyway the fact that he has drawn out all of the lightweights and imbeciles is helpful I suppose.


  1. Hush, you. I'll take lightweight hot-seating over cancelling the fourth session of sustained and intelligent chronicling on the trot because getting the whole group to free up the same evening is increasingly fiddly in these, the times of shift work and second jobs. Frankly, even three player groups of real people are becoming logistically unwieldy.

    If ConstantCon is helping people actually run games then it's essentially a good thing, and I may even give it a try myself if the cat herding of real players finally becomes too much for me. It's not ideal, but then who is campaign play ideal for? Students, pensioners, and the otherwise unemployed, it would seem.

  2. At least, though, this has given your dislike of Zak some more substance. Guy does use more random charts than seems necessary to me.

  3. Hey you should go take a look at Zaks page, I think you will greatly appreciate what he is doing right now.

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