Wednesday, 17 August 2011

Constancon is for retards, right?

I want to applaud Zak for revealing in the clearest possible fashion just how desperate the average D&D gamer is to play the monster game even as some lowest common denominator freakshow. These people are so stupid that they would be transfixed for hours by a screensaver that cycled through the words Troll, Elf, Fungus, Castle, Wand and so on, like an infant gazing at a sleep inducing toy.

Constancon is the worst consequence yet I have seen of standardised play that resulted from the love affair of the unimaginative with TSR modules. I would prefer never to play again than play nuthouse cliched D&D with a bunch of strangers on the web but for these people there is something precious about the fact that they all play D&D the same way, the way a twelve year old would play.

Zak reminds me of the guy in the class whom the teacher let doodle with crayons all day, tongue dangling down, he is the definition of the psychotic in a rorshach test obsessed with endless, pointless tiny details. He favours the hollow empty meaningless campaign with a thousand random tables stuffed with trivial detail which when combined produce something like poetry in the mind of an idiot but remain in fact just a meaningless selection of trivial details, the same trivial details you began with.

A constant refrain on his blog is 'roll on this table and you don't have to waste time thinking.' Not even before a game. I don't see any evidence of a campaign on his blog (or in Vornheim which is just an extension of the blog) because that would require sustained thought and consistent thought which would leave less time for a chronic fidgeter to produce artworks and for talking utter shite.

Anyway the fact that he has drawn out all of the lightweights and imbeciles is helpful I suppose.

Monday, 8 August 2011

New Zak S Wilderness Map (sic)

Zak thinks this is a map even though it is not a map, but he thinks it is a map:

I asked Zak to keep us up to date as soon as he can on his whereabouts as he jets around North America doing important but fun stuff. I keep track of my favorite people with pins on a map of North America on the wall of my house on the outside so people who have no interest in D&D can keep track of Zak too as they drive by about their business. Just now he is in Montreal as he jets around the world with his bag of artworks looking for his stolen hair.

You can see Zak's original map here, I have taken the liberty of adding a Hex grid:

The key to Zak's map (sic) is:
green = forest; blue/black = hills; red = bordello/sanatarium on mountain top